does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
