Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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