I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
