Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
