I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
