That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
