i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
