I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
