I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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