i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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