do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
