so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
