Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
