My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
