Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
