at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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