i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
