is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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