Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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