i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
