I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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