so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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