I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
