It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
