I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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