Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
