Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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