I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Did I show you my penis last night?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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