he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
