she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
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