My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
