I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize