So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
