My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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