My friends, they love my intelligence
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I need a beard to bite.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
