My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
