im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
