You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
