people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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