You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
