I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
