I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im holly from the hills drunk
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
