if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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