the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
