perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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