That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
