My liver just broke up with me...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
