What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
