where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
