i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Randomize
